When you’re a medical student , almost everybody you meet will ask the question “ how do you do it” or “how did you make it?” And well three years ago when asked this question, I honestly had no answer for it because I wasn’t doing anything or making it to anywhere.
To some extent, it amazed me how almost everybody I’ve crossed paths with in China seemed to have had it all figured out when they were coming. Whatever they came for is what they’re doing and for others, even more.
My own story is a abit different. Not that I lacked a sense of direction or a vision of who and/ or what exactly I wanted to be, I was just tip toeing thinking I still had enough time to explore my options.
As time does what it does best, I had already finished my 1 year of studying Chinese language and cleared my HSK4 test, which required that I move to the next. My friends already knew what they wanted to study next and they were waiting for the time to start with the application process. Never did I air out my thoughts because they portrayed a certain confidence in their next journey which, even if I tried to pretend and run along with, I’d somehow get caught in my own lies. Although, sometimes i’d go with the flow but only God knows what exactly would be going through my mind in my quiet moments.
In cutting the long story short, I eventually ended up in med-school in September 2014. But there was a time, somewhere between 2016 and 2017 I think, when I had actually considered quitting school to chase after my “dream career” ( I initially wanted to study law, so imagine the transition).
I had just hit rock bottom and every sunrise was more of a sunset. I went to class because I needed the attendance grades just Incase I missed the 60% pass mark and TBT, I found fulfillment in just reaching or slightly going over that 60% mark.
With nobody unaware of what exactly I was going through , I went from month after month in frustration, abit of depressing moments and self pity. I didn’t even want to seat for the semester’s exams because my little mind was made up . Every night I slept wondering what would become of me in 3 years’ time, “ maybe just get this degree and then later study what I’ve always wanted to”, I’d comfortingly say to myself. And well, to speculate that things would get better was just a pretty little lie. After so much frustration and feeling tired of being tired, I decided to go for counseling (A LOT of counseling). Along the line, I DECIDED to get myself together.
“ A Journey of ten thousand miles ( surely) begins with just one step”, as the Chinese proverb says. Having to live a prestigious dream life is one thing, but working towards it is another bigger part. Failure was all that I felt and associated myself with and nobody could convince me otherwise. No sooner had I made that decision than I began to see things differently. The hidden zeal and the passion began to be conceived and slowly birthed. My teachers [Dr. Chu ( who’s currently working in Namibia), Jane 老师 （ 小红姐姐）， Bella 老师 my class teacher from 2017 I think and Sandy 老师 my class teacher now], motivated me to take part in school activities and organization of school events which to some extent, made me have a different perspective of myself. I came to the realization that if I was capable of doing all those tasks, applying the same effort to my studies would definitely change a lot about my academic records.
Later, I decided to change my seat ( the back was fun but distracting). Although I couldn’t stay faithful to one “deskie” as I had changed like twice in that year, I mean you can’t blame a girl in search for greener pastures, I kept moving until I found my footing. Thank you to my two friends who saw in me that which I never saw in myself. The encouragement to be confident enough to give both wrong and right answers, the moments one would raise my hand on my behalf to answer a question when i would be afraid, and the little whispers of telling me how smart I am whenever a question was asked and I’d mumble the answer to myself. Thanks guys, I’m forever grateful.
Then came Dr. KC and Dr. Ali, who have equally have been GREAT pillars in my last 2 years and for this reason, I write with a grateful heart and blessed to have successfully completed my 5 years of study and now 3 months+ into my internship at the Hangzhou First People’s Hospital.
Now many people ask and wonder why I decided to stay in China for my internship. Do I think I’ll get a 100% of the knowledge I need for my lifetime career, who knows?! But I believe that my life here has been of divine orchestration and the master behind it will definitely bring it all to a perfect completion.
I conclude this with an amazing quote by Marianne Williamson – that many of us might be familiar with;
“ Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
PRAY! Stay Hopeful, Be Focused And Challenge Yourself!